Dear Lady I just accidentally bumped into in Times Square,
Oh, hello.
I just want to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for bumping the tip of my elbow against you as we passed in Times Square today. In fact, I even called out “sorry!” as soon as it happened. However, I am going to have to disagree that this makes me a ‘dumb cunt.’
No, I did not realize that you are 8 and a half months pregnant. In all honesty, you were wearing at least four coats and I just assumed you were fat. But even without the coats, I would be shocked if I was able to make such an accurate assessment.
Contrary to popular (your) belief, I DO know how to walk. I guess I just didn’t realize that I wasn’t allowed to ‘pass you on the right.’ It’s been a while since I’ve read the Rules of Walking.
Aren’t pregnant ladies supposed to be all joyous and happy and pleasant and not chase me for a block screaming obscenities despite my repeated apologies?
Anyway, congratulations on your baby, and when it grows up to be a douche, definitely blame the tip of my elbow and not the fact that its mom walks around calling people cunts.
